How to Stop Being a "NICE GUY" (5 easy steps)
How to Be a Nice Guy
Being a nice guy isn't difficult at all; you just need to be mindful about treating others the same way you would like to be treated. Being nice will make other people like you more, and it will make you feel much better about yourself. Unfortunately, there are some negative stereotypes associated with nice guys, so you may have to work a little harder if you want to be a nice guy who is also highly successful.
One key characteristic of being a nice guy is attentively listening when someone is talking. To really listen, avoid any distractions that may make the other person feel ignored. Putting your phone away and keeping constant eye contact can help express your engagement. Also, try your best to not interrupt, even if you have something to share or think you know what the person is going to say next.To learn how to balance being a nice guy with being confident and assertive, read on!
Projecting Nice Guy Energy to Others
Offer to help others.Helpfulness is one of the hallmarks of a nice guy. Look for ways that you can be more helpful to everyone around you, and remember that even small gestures are appreciated.
- Pay attention to how your friends and loved ones are feeling. If they seem overwhelmed by something, always offer to help them in whatever way you can. For example, if your mom is stressed out about a party she is hosting, offer to help clean the house or pick up the groceries she needs.
- Help people you don't know as well. You can do this by volunteering for charitable organizations, or even just by helping a stranger pick up a stack of papers that he dropped in the hallway.
- Don't expect to get anything in return. Kindness is often repaid, but your goal should not be to be rewarded for your helpfulness.
Be a great listener.Nice guys take the time to really listen when someone is talking to them. The next time you're having a conversation with someone, be sure to listen attentively and respond in a meaningful way.
Be grateful.Nice guys always express gratitude when other people do nice things for them. No matter how big or small the gesture, always say thank you when someone else does something nice for you.
- Consider doing something nice in return. For example, if a friend surprised you with concert tickets, consider treating her to lunch the next time you see her.
- Be grateful to people you don't know too. If a stranger holds the elevator for you, for example, be sure to thank her.
Smile and laugh.Happiness is contagious and it makes people want to spend time with you. The happier you are, the nicer you will be perceived by others, so make an effort to smile and laugh a little more each day.
- Always smile when you see somebody, whether you know them or not. Your smile might just make someone else's day a lot brighter.
- Smiling and laughing will also make you feel happier, which will make it much easier to be nice to other people.
Be honest.People do not like liars, so it's very important to be open and honest with everyone. This includes never pretending to be someone you're not, even if you think it will make people like you more.
- While it's important to tell the truth, be sure to consider how the truth might hurt someone else's feelings, and always weigh the pros and cons before you say something potentially hurtful. For example, it may be a good idea to tell a friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him, but it's probably not a good idea to tell him that you think his shoes are ugly (unless he asks).
- If you have already lied to someone, consider coming clean and telling the truth. It will take a lot of weight off of your shoulders, and the other person will probably appreciate your honesty.
Treat women with respect.Nice guys should treat everyone respectfully. Start paying particular attention to the way you treat women, whether they're strangers, friends, or loved ones, to make sure that you're not being unintentionally offensive.
- Avoid using diminutives like "babe" or "hun" with friends and acquaintances. Many women find these terms belittling (although they may be acceptable if you're in a relationship with the woman).
- Avoid talking about women's bodies. This can make them feel uncomfortable and objectified, even if you're being complimentary.
- If you're in a relationship, never pressure a woman to do something she's not ready for.
Feeling Like a Nicer Person
Stay calm.Nice guys are not hotheads, so if you have a problem with anger, you need to start working on it. Getting rid of anger will not only help others perceive you as a nice guy, but it will also help you feel much happier.
- Yoga and meditation can help you calm your mind and release stress, so consider incorporating these into your routine if you need more calmness in your life.
Learn to forgive.In order to feel like a nice guy, it's important that you not hold on to grudges. No matter how badly another person has hurt you, make the decision to forgive instead of seeking vengeance.
- Forgiving does not necessarily mean that you need to accept the harmful action as acceptable; it simply means that you need to make the decision to not let the action affect you any longer.
- Forgiving is easier if you can start to think about the person who harmed you as a good person who did a bad thing, instead of villainizing the individual.
Think about how others feel.Nice guys are not self-centered, which means that they are always aware of how their words and actions will affect others. If you want to be nicer, be sure to always take other people's feelings into consideration.
- The most successful nice guys consider how others think, how they feel, and how they are likely to act. This helps them engage with others in a way that is both kind and effective.
- When you think about how others feel, being polite and respectful should come naturally. If you think that something you say or do might be offensive to another person, don't do it.
Trust that you are a good person.No one is perfect all the time, and it can be easy to think that you are a bad person just because you lashed out at someone or did something else that you're not proud of. Unfortunately, thinking that you are a bad person makes you more likely to act like a bad person in the future, so it's extremely important that you don't judge yourself too harshly.
- The next time you do something that you're ashamed of, remind yourself that you are a good person who did something bad and that you will try not to do that bad thing again. Do not fall into the trap of believing that one bad action is a reflection of who you are as a person.
- Keep in mind that feeling guilty about doing a bad thing is an indication that you really are a good person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel guilty at all.
Being a Nice Guy Who Gets Ahead
Be confident and assertive.People sometimes make the false assumption that nice guys are timid and insecure, so you need to prove them wrong! This means overcoming shyness, if this is a problem for you, and standing up for yourself if people are taking advantage of you.
- Just because you're a nice guy does not mean that you have to let people walk all over you. You can set boundaries to let people know how you expect to be treated without being a jerk. If someone treats you badly, don't be afraid to let them know that it is unacceptable.
- Being outgoing, social, and self-confident can help you be a nice guy without all of the negative associations.
Don't give too much.Helping others is great, but if you help others so much that you begin to neglect yourself, you've gone too far. Try to find a balance between taking care of others and taking care of yourself.
- It's okay to say no to others if you feel that you are over-committed. Being a nice guy does not mean helping everyone with everything all the time, but rather helping people whenever you are reasonably able to.
- Being too generous can also make people see you as a poor leader. If you want to be a strong leader, you may need to be careful about how much you are willing to give to others.
Don't be boring.For some reason, people often assume that nice guys are dull, inexperienced, and uninteresting. This is a completely false stereotype, so show everyone around you that you are both nice and interesting.
- Develop unique hobbies or travel to interesting places. This will give you plenty of fascinating things to talk about, so people will never think you're boring.
- Do something unpredictable every so often, whether it's going on a last-minute road trip or trying a new activity that's out of your normal comfort zone.
- There are lots of nice things that you can do that other people will also find very interesting. For example, traveling to help people who survived natural disasters, volunteering to help build houses for the poor, or organizing a fund raiser for a local charity are all great ways to do nice things for people without being boring or predictable.
Can someone be genetically predisposed to niceness? I feel like I just can't help being mean. Sometimes I hear voices telling me what to do things that aren't nice.
- Remember to be nice to everyone, not just to people in your social circle. People will have much more respect for you if you are inclusive.
- If you want to start being nicer, start at home. Try being nicer to your family by helping them out or even just arguing with them less.
- Don't just pretend to be a nice guy. It's always best to be yourself, and people will know that you're not being genuine.
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