7 Clever Ways to Deal With Boyfriend Who Doesn't Listen! Now He Will Be More Attentive to You
How to Get Your Boyfriend to Listen to You
Choosing a Good Time
Make sure that he is ready to focus on you.If he is socializing in a group, talking on the phone, or a working on project, he might not be able to listen to you well.
Try a time when the two of you have some quiet time together.Long car rides, doing housework (like cleaning or laundry), long walks, and quiet evenings are all good examples of times when the two of you can focus on each other.
When in doubt, ask.A simple question like "Is now a good time to talk?" can let you know if he is ready. It will also signal that you have something important to tell him.
- If it is not a good time to talk, you can ask him when would be a good time.
Communicating Issues Clearly
Clear, direct communication is important in letting your boyfriend know how you feel.
Make it clear that you want to focus on the conversation.Silence or put away your phone, and ask him to do the same if he doesn't copy you. Look right at him, and tell him you want to talk about something important.
- "We need to talk" is often how break-up conversations begin. Unless you're actually breaking up, you may want to phrase it differently, such as "There's something I'd like to talk about with you."
Avoid dancing around the subject.Subtle hints and implications may not work on your boyfriend, and are more likely to leave him confused and frustrated. Being direct is kinder than being passive. It's okay to say how you feel.
Make "I" statements to talk about what you want and how you feel."I" language is a good way to assert yourself in a clear, non-accusatory way.
- A good template is "When ______, I feel _____."
- For example, instead of "You're so lazy about washing the dishes," you could say "I feel frustrated and unappreciated when I come home from work to see a sink full of dirty dishes."
Be specific.Giving him a clear example of why you feel the way you do will help him recognize exactly what's going on. "You're such a workaholic" is an un-specific (and aggressive) way to communicate, and your boyfriend won't know how he can improve. "I feel left out and lonely when you work so late" lets him know what the problem is and how he can work on fixing it.
Be genuine.Avoid the temptation to tell him a white lie about whether he looks good in that tie, or cover up the fact that youaren'tokay. Work on being more honest and compassionate with your boyfriend. It's okay to tell him things he doesn't enjoy hearing. Part of trusting your boyfriend is trusting him with the truth.
- Obviously, honesty shouldn't get in the way of compassion. If your boyfriend comes home exhausted after work, don't tell him he looks like a week-old zombie. Try a more tactful "Long day at work?" and help him relax.
Let yourself be vulnerable.It's okay to admit that you feel hurt, or even to cry if you need to. It may be uncomfortable, but as long as it's genuine, it will help you both recognize the situation and understand each other's feelings. If this is scary to you, find little ways to start opening up, and build up to the more difficult parts. Here are some examples.
- "No, I'm not okay."
- "I need help."
- "I felt hurt when you joked about my accent."
- "I'm really worried about my dad. I'm scared that his grief over Grandma's death is overtaking him."
Building a Strong Relationship
A solid relationship based on communication will help set the stage for good conversations.
Listen to him too.Your boyfriend also has a lot on his mind, and if you are a patient and sympathetic listener, he'll feel that he can turn to you to talk about important things. Validate his feelings and listen closely to what's on his mind.
- Take time to hear him out. Don't rush conversation. This will help him feel that he can let it all out, and once all his feelings have been heard, he'll happily grant you time for all of yours.
Ask for his opinions.Part of helping him feel valued is wanting to hear what he thinks, and incorporating his advice. This can be a simple as asking him whether you should wear your blue dress or your purple dress, or as complicated as asking for advice on dealing with your overbearing father.
Let him help you.Many boyfriends immediately want to help if they see that their partner is struggling with something. Let him reach a high shelf or help you brainstorm ways to solve a problem. Helping you makes him feel good, and it offers you an opportunity to practice clear communication and ask for what you need or want.
- Tell him how specifically he can help you. For example, "I could use help figuring out this bug in my program," or "Please hold this end of the sheet so I can fold it."
- If he's busy offering solutions when you aren't ready, try saying something like "I just need to vent right now." This lets him know that the best way to help is to listen.
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- Talking too much about your ex(es) may make your boyfriend feel unappreciated or jealous. Try to avoid bringing it up often.
- "I" language only works if the other person cares about your feelings. If you boyfriend doesn't care, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
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Date: 09.12.2018, 14:22 / Views: 45543