ME RAW ! Dont let your life revolve around fitness or any one thing Re up
How to Not Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Boyfriend
When you’re in a relationship, you might feel the need to be with your guy 24/7. Though this can be fun initially, all relationships need space to breathe and grow. How can you hang out with your friends or do a great job on that upcoming presentation at work if you spend all your time with your guy? Remember that you’re not just your boyfriend’s boo, you’re so much more! Maintain your identity outside of the relationship by getting some alone time, managing your other relationships and responsibilities, and building a healthy dynamic with your guy!
Having Personal Time
Spend time doing hobbies apart from your boyfriend.Before you met him, you might have enjoyed scuba diving, reading or dancing. Now that you’re together, do you do those things less often? Remember that your interests are a part of what makes you you! Explore these hobbies away from your partner.
- Perhaps you've been wanting to try a new hobby like yoga, but your boyfriend isn’t feeling it. Do it without him!
Take a time out every day.If you live with your boyfriend or spend most days together, you might rarely get a moment alone. Spend some time each day doing something apart from him that’s just for you. Take a walk, soak in a hot bath, or go for a run.
- Encourage him to take timeouts, too! You can say, “Hey babe, you’ve had a long day. Want me to run a bath for you?”
- You may also consider taking a day each week to spend time on your own or with your friends.
Meditate every day.When you meditate, you spend time alone focusing only on your breaths and your body. It’s a great way to let go of the stress of the day and recenter yourself. If you find yourself thinking of your boyfriend constantly, this can be a great way to silence those thoughts for a bit.
- If you’re unfamiliar with meditation, try an app like Headspace or Calm.
Make plans without him.You don’t have to spend every waking moment with your man! Every so often, make plans without him. Your girlfriends want to go on a trip this summer? Plan it! Been meaning to visit your grandma for a while? Go see her!
- Though it’s nice to incorporate your boyfriend into some of your plans, remember that he doesn’t have to be a part of all of them.
Turn off your phone sometimes.If you spend all day texting or calling your guy, what will you two have to talk about when you get home? Instead of focusing on him when you’re apart, focus on what is in front of you, instead. Pay attention in class, take notes in meetings, and give your life outside the relationship your full attention.
- If you don’t want to turn your phone off, try to only check it every thirty minutes or so. Plan to check in with your man once or twice a day while you’re away.
Managing Life Outside Your Relationship
Spend time with your friends.Plan fun nights out with your friends and call or text them regularly. When you talk, don’t take all your time telling them about your relationship! You have a whole lot more going on than that, honey!
- Spend a few minutes updating them about your boo, but keep it at that. If something major is going on in your relationship, like an engagement or potential breakup, you can spend more time chatting about it.
- Ask your friends what’s going on with them, too! Remember that to have a friend, you must be a friend.
Make new friends.Maybe the reason you spend so much time with your boyfriend is because you don’t have any other close relationships. Though that’s understandable, it’s time for a change. Make friends at the places you already go to like the gym, a book club, or place of worship.
- At the gym, you might approach someone and say, “Hey, I saw you were wearing a Duke shirt the other day. I’m a big fan! Did you go to school there?” Make more small talk and eventually ask them to hang out.
- If there’s a place of worship you attend, join a small group so you can make friends there. Many churches have small groups for young professionals, teens, or adults.
Check-in with your family.The biggest support system you may have is family! If you haven’t spoken to your mom in a few days, call her! Or maybe you have a cousin whose birthday is coming up, go see them! Connecting with your family is a great way to stay true to yourself while in a relationship.
Focus on school and your career.Use your time wisely when at work or school. Remember that beyond being your boyfriend’s partner, you’re an employee or a student, too. Even if he should decide to leave you tomorrow, your job and education will be there to stay. Be hard-working and diligent!
- Get to work early and leave a few minutes late. Take notes in meetings and keep a to-do list so you stay up on your responsibilities.
- Complete your homework to the best of your ability, do all your readings, and study every day.
Set goals that have nothing to do with your boyfriend.You may have a few goals that you want to achieve with your boyfriend, like buying a house or having a baby, and that’s beautiful! But don’t forget about the goals you have apart from him. Write them down and put steps into place to begin achieving them now.
- For instance, if you want to be a lawyer, you’ll need to get a four-year degree first and make good grades. Then you’ll need to take the LSAT and apply to law schools.
- You should also set short- and long-term goals. A short-term goal could be to go to the gym three times this week. A long-term one could be to get a promotion at work.
Developing a Healthy Relationship
Identify what makes a relationship healthy.It is important to avoid an unhealthy relationship, but you might be in a healthy relationship and not even know it. Some characteristics of a healthy relationship include:
- Mutual respect
- The ability to compromise
- Being able to have your own identity
- Communicating effectively
- Managing your anger
- Working together to solve problems
- Having a healthy sexual relationship
Communicate your needs.Your desire to be around your boyfriend a lot might come from some unresolved needs or issues you have, such as codependency. Codependency is unhealthy clinginess on behalf of a member of the relationship who is not self-sufficient.Tell your boyfriend what you need from him and let him tell you what he needs, too.
- For instance, maybe you want to be with him a lot because he’s cheated on you in the past. Tell him that you need him to be faithful and honest with you.
- In return, he might ask that you trust him and be forgiving.
Check-in with your boyfriend every few weeks.To assess how your relationship is going, do regular check-ins. Ask him, and yourself, some questions like, “Are you happy?” and “What do we need to work on?”
- If you’re both consistently unhappy, it might be time to move on.
Communicate your boundaries.Speak up for yourself when you feel wronged! If your guy is doing something that hurts or bothers you, let him know that it’s not okay.
- For instance, you might say, “Dave, I saw that you’ve been liking bikini pics of your ex on Instagram. That really bothers me and I feel disrespected. I’m going to ask that you not do anything like that again.”
Encourage him to hang with his friends.Just as you need your space, so does your boyfriend. When his friends call wanting to shoot hoops or go out, tell your guy to go! The more fun he has, the happier he’ll be and you’ll benefit from that.
Remember that your relationship is just one part of your life.At the end of the day, you are so much more than your boyfriend's partner. You’re a friend, worker, student, sibling, and beautiful human being. No matter what happens with your boyfriend, you’ll still be you! Hold onto that!
QuestionI sometimes feel like l cannot let go of my boyfriend. What can I do?
Licensed Professional CounselorLicensed Professional CounselorExpert AnswerTry to see what need he fulfills for you that you are not fulfilling for yourself. It's usually a sign of personal insecurity or lack of personal friendships outside the relationship.Thanks!
QuestionI feel that my boyfriend is avoiding me all the time and he has better options than me. It's driving me crazy. How can I prevent this?
Licensed Professional CounselorLicensed Professional CounselorExpert AnswerHave an open discussion with him about how you are perceiving the situation and specifically what is bothering you in the relationship. Try to come to a compromise that is ideal for the both of you.Thanks!
Sources and Citations
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of How to Not Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Boyfriend was reviewed by on September 27, 2019.
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